wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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