not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize