I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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