i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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