I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ttyl tear gas
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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