Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well you can't waste a boner
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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