When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
