So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
