Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
