glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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