Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize