I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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