I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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