you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
