My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
