remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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