also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
