I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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