remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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