Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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