Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
