The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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