I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize