I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
