thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
