So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
