my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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