Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
