you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
