am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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