just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
