were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
