Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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