how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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