I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize