Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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