Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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