..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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