Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
