I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
