Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
