I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
