It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
