i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
