i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
