Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
