I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
