Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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