Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
