I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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