Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
