Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
