you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
