Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
