I just made out with a guy for $7.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
