ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize