Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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