Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
