just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
