Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
