I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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