I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
