Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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