Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
