apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
