I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
