I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
