so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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