i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize