I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
