i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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