you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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