so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize