haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
