ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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