Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
