what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vagina is officially offended.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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