The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
