My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
