One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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