Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
