You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i believe in u and ur pee
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
