you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
