My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Someone signed my nipple.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
