I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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