if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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