So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
