he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
