it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
